Johnny Vegas

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

Johnny Vegas

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.

Johnny Vegas

I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.

Johnny Vegas

You always hear people saying, 'I hope I'm not turning into my dad', but I'd be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is.

Johnny Vegas

I came back from university thinking I knew all about politics and racism, not knowing my dad had been one of the youngest-serving Labour councillors in the town and had refused to work in South Africa years ago because of the situation there. And he's never mentioned it - you just find out. That's a real man to me. A sleeping lion.

Johnny Vegas

My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with.

Johnny Vegas

I am a big fan of smelly cheeses but the rest of the family don't seem to be particularly keen on them.

Johnny Vegas

You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.

Johnny Vegas

Comedy's so subjective, and if someone comes to watch, doesn't get it, doesn't find it funny, then fine.

Johnny Vegas

I've spent lots of time in London, I studied in London, I like London. It's just not my home.

Johnny Vegas

My first holiday to San Francisco in 1998-99 was supposed to be a two-week vacation but I ended up staying five weeks and nearly didn't come home.

Johnny Vegas