Demetri Martin

I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. Demetri Martin

I do come across people who don’t like me, don’t like my comedy, don’t think it’s funny, it’s too cutesy,…

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said…

My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. ‘Cause, you know, if you have a…

I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you’re really making a decision about your behavior for…

For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about…

I didn’t do improv in college, I never performed, I didn’t do theater either. I was in student government, I…

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. Demetri Martin

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’ Demetri Martin

The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked…