Emo Philips (born February 7, 1956) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, voice actor, writer and producer. His stand-up comedy…
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You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day…
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. Emo Philips
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the…
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Probably the worst time in a person’s life is when they have to kill a family member because they are…
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Emo Philips
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I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend. Emo Philips
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I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. Emo Philips
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